It’s very disconcerting to know that when you reach a certain age the mail that comes through your letter box is designed to make you feel as if you have suddenly acquired a whole host of diseases and that you already have ‘one foot in the grave.’
Boots seem to be the most prolific. What a delight this week to receive a letter with “Boots hearing care” emblazoned across it. And ‘Swap Snippets for the full story’ – and what that is supposed to mean I have no idea! Underneath, still on the envelope is: ‘How a free check can improve your hearing.’
Since I have had no signs of suddenly going deaf….and the letter inside continues “Life’s more fun when you join in” Hmmm and I get 150 points on my Boots Advantage Card and one third of an invisible hearing aid – what joy I can’t wait.
So when I saw another letter entitled: “More treats for over 60s” – I thought incontinence pads, chair lifts and worse. This was also from Boots informing me that as an older person I will get 10 points for every £1 I spend (its normally 4) – does this mean they hope I won’t live long enough to claim them? Oh and 25% off complete glasses – so if I only have one eye I don’t get it?
So I get two letters from Specsavers informing me I can have a free eye test. This is along with letters and texts to my mobile phone from equity release specialists and pension providers – very annoying.
So it seems I am in imminent danger of going deaf and my eye sight deteriorating – and that’s only the tip of the iceberg…
Not to mention the bowel cancer kit, the mammogram …oh and I notice I won’t be able to be a blood donor after the age of 68 so best try and kick the bucket before then! Or if I end up in hospital better make sure I am not on the Liverpool Death Pathway or there is a “Do not Resuscitate notice in my file!
But not before I’ve jogged round the park and done my pressups! And thank goodness that the toyboy is not the postman!
